Did someone say emotional rollercoaster????
So this was how I started writing my blog this morning, but that was all about to change… I cannot believe that today is the half way point of our training. It has gone super quick and now I just want it to slow down, I have tried to be in the moment but there are most certainly times where I have been wanting time to speed up. I stared the day really positively, I listened to a few of my go to motivational clips in the morning and headed off to Tavoos, this mornings session was beautiful as always. We face the garden in the morning and evening sessions and it is so beautiful, there are bambo huts, soooo many plants and flowers and water features. It is so nice to just lay there and hear the birds chirping, the locals passing, the very different but quite chilled music that is always playing loud, there is some now as I speak and it is 9pm, we also get the pleasure of GInger meowing soooooo loud and saying good morning feed me to everyone (well that is my version of what she is saying). Then the turn happened…… I didn’t enjoy breakfast this morning, I didn’t enjoy dinner last night and then we got to the philosophy class, I don’t know what happened but something in me switched. I sat there thinking damn I am totally over this, my body is tired and I mean tired, my brain is tired, and I am sat here thinking there is no way in hell I am going to remember everything for the 2 hour theory exam that we have to sit next week. I cannot remember all of the things we have learnt so far, I feel like I am learning a new language and do you know what it has all just got a bit too much now. Now I know why I do all my training and courses online in my own time. Don’t get me wrong our teacher is brilliant, he is extremely knowledgeable and I am super happy he is Indian as I did want to do my training in India to learn from the best, so it is super nice to have such a knowledgeable teacher and be here. I sit there and honestly feel like I want to cry, I look at the clock and we have 30 mins till our next break. The break comes and I decide to go for a walk, get a nice ice lemon tea, take in my surroundings and have a bloody good word with myself. I stand in the road with my head facing the sun and take some deep breaths, that didn’t help so I start walking, now the roads are not clean, there is loads of construction everywhere and dust is flying around, but I was like no I need to sit down, so I plonk myself down on a slab facing the road. I was opposite a shop and a Cambodian family were sat there all looking at me and talking. I am guessing they were thinking what is this crazy tourist doing hahaha. I had a little word with myself, put my music in and continued to walk. Now what I really wanted to do was sing really really loud, but I didn’t. Although they wouldn’t care as the people out here are so relaxed and care free it is unreal. So I have had my glitch I hit the damn wall head first fell to the floor,laid there for a while and then got back up, I think I have dusted myself off, but my body and mind are still super super tired. We have done over 4 hours of Yoga today along with hours of theory. I told people this wasn’t a damn Holiday or Retreat. Those who know me. know that I don’t shy away from my feelings and I don’t lie. It is most certainly not all fluffy and pretty here and even those of us who seem strong have week moments. I know it will be ok, and I will get my shit together and try my best and that is all I can do, but that still doesn’t change how bloody difficult and tiring this is. This evenings practice taken by Vicky was perfect, talk about good timing girl. Tonight she had us focusing on loving ourselves from within, and her practice really made me feel eased and was a positive way to finish the day. The day really was an emotional rollercoaster. We are meant to self study in the evening, but honestly I am finished off by then, I myself and my brain are good for nothing so it just hasn’t happened. Let us hope for a better day tomorrow. I have some stories to tell that I have missed, I will put them in tomorrow’s blog as I just want to get into bed and curl in a ball.
Nothing worth having comes easy
Main picture – I wanted a crazy pic of the team to remind me of how awesome they are and the experience. They truly are a beautiful bunch ❤ Pictures below – Today’s lunch below, Me and Ixchen wearing our new headbands I got from the market, Puppies feeding off their Mummy in the street, and morning snuggles with these lovely lot ❤