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Can I have Anxiety and NOT know it?

Travelling back in time 8 years, I was in a work meeting one day and all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe, I felt it coming but only once it was there taking over my whole body. I had to get up and leave, my boss followed me, and I remember us being outside me gasping for air. He asked me what was wrong, and I honestly did not know, all I knew is that I was scared, I couldn’t breathe, and I had no control over my body, I felt like I was going to die.

What was that?

I had no clue what it was, where it came from, or why it was happening. At this point I knew something wasn’t quite right but continued with life, I had a few other moments where I struggled breathing, but still didn’t acknowledge it and give it the attention it needed.

I was OBLIVIOUS, I was so dis-connected to my body that I had no clue whatsoever what was happening. Time passed by and they were becoming more frequent, I remember one specific time, I had been out drinking with my then Boyfriend, and as we got back home, I started to struggle to breathe, it was getting worse and worse, I ended up hanging out the window gasping for air, I was an absolute mess.

I decided to go up to the walking centre, with some persuasion, yes I am a stubborn bunny sometimes. I was never a fan of the Doctors in any way or form, as I sat waiting, I asked myself what could it be, maybe it is Asthma, maybe something is seriously wrong with me.

The Doctor calls me in, checks a few bits and then says to me, you have Anxiety. I laughed and replied no I don’t, I am not anxious, I am tough. it cannot be that. He gave me an inhaler and told me to use it when I needed, and again told me that I have anxiety. I honestly don’t remember him giving me any advice, maybe he did and I just didn’t listen, I don’t know.

As time went on it didn’t get worse, but it didn’t get better, the inhaler seemed to help, but I was still VERY dismissive that I had Anxiety.

Could I have anxiety and not know it? I was so firm that I am a happy and ‘strong’ person, how could I possibly have anxiety? Where these anxiety symptoms when I had trouble breathing, was the Office event a Panic attack or an Anxiety Attack, me hanging out the window what was that? What is the difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack?

I had never really heard of either, especially not to the degree I knew anything about them. I didn’t know what anxiety does to your body, where anxiety comes from, how anxiety affects you, or how anxiety makes you feel.

Did anxiety exist within me and I never even knew???

A year or so later I was holding a big fitness festival, I had put an extremely large amount of time and energy into making this a success, and I started to notice that I had this burning sensation in my stomach, it was absolutely horrendous, of course I didn’t listen and it got worse and worse, so much so I actually couldn’t function.

So back up to the Walk in centre I go :( It turns out I had gastroenteritis. I was given pills and again I don’t remember them giving me any other advice, I google gastroenteritis and see that it is caused by stress, and I spoke to my Nurse friend, and she confirmed it was stress.

Here I was doing too much and stressing myself out that now my body is not able to function and is causing me such incredible pain.

I take the pills, the Festival happens, and I still don’t look into it deeper.

You must be thinking she is crazy how did she still not see…

What did I not take into consideration? I didn’t take into consideration that in March that Year I found out my Bf had been cheating on me for years, I was overworking and drinking way too much to drown out the pain and suffering, a few years before My parents went through a divorce which REALLY affected me and I didn’t see the depths of all of this.

It wasn’t until the latter end of that year I decided to embark on a new journey and I signed up for a 200 hour Yoga Teacher training course in Cambodia. It was here I realised I had been carrying wayyyyy too much on my shoulders.

This was the end and the beginning all at once.

Follow me to read part 2 when it comes out

If you would like to check out my Anxiety course click here….

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Much Love ❤

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