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Breaking the Cycle: Understanding the Difference Between Attention and Affection, Inner Child Healing

Do you often find yourself seeking attention from others? Sometimes you really don’t know why, as you know the person is not good for you...

Whether it be family members who we feel and know are not good for us, but we still continue to visit them or give them our time, or a loved one in a romantic relationship, one in which we feel deep down is toxic and unhealthy, yet we just can’t seem to escape the situation no matter how hard we try.

This is a pattern that is often repeated by a lot of people, especially in adulthood.

Would you like to break this unhealthy cycle?

Would you like to understand where it comes from?

If so, read on...

There is a big difference between attention and affection, and what most people seek is affection. We are social beings; we want to feel loved, seen, and touched. Unfortunately, when we experience trauma in life, this affection gets confused for attention, and this is where we end up in toxic, unhealthy friendships and relationships.

Childhood Trauma and Its Impact

Imagine this: as a young child, you grow up with working parents. Life looks a little like this: wake up, breakfast, school, after-school club, parents come home from work, dinner, TV, and bed... where in the day did you receive pure presence from your parents?

Let alone pure presence where affection was given. I am not talking about the high five or the quick hug goodbye. I am talking about the conscious presence of your caregiver truly giving you affection and being there for you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Parents get caught in the busy world of work, and then if you have siblings, this creates more distractions.

Can you recall a moment in your childhood where you were mentally struggling; whether it be because your friends stopped liking you, you were being bullied at school, or you were at the point where you didn’t know who you were or what you wanted?

At this point, what did you really need?

There were probably many points where you just wanted your mum or dad to just hold you and let you know that you are safe, to listen to you without fixing you.

Healing Childhood Wounds

When we do not receive this dedicated, conscious affection as a child, it creates a wound, especially when we are unbalanced and this need is not met.

We then grow up seeking that affection, which is where the confusion between attention and affection comes into play.

Some children who didn’t have that need met would act out and cause problems because if they did, it would create attention, even if it meant being told off. This then manifests in adulthood where we attract people who don’t give us true love and affection but rather drama, uncertainty, or emotional imbalance.

A wounded child will seek this uncertainty and attention because it is familiar; they have grown up seeking affection and not receiving it, and they see attention as affection.

Your childhood doesn’t need to have had a major traumatic event for you to be suffering or living unfulfilled in adult life. It is the day-to-day nuances and basic needs not being met that create a lot of wounds.

The great thing is, you don’t need to carry these wounds. You can heal, and you can create new beliefs and healthy relationships.

Steps to Healing and Creating Healthy Relationships

Here are 6 steps you can take right now to get going:

1. Acknowledge within yourself that there is a problem here.

2. Identify where you see these patterns in your life and who they are with.

3. When you are with said people, pay attention to your body. How does it feel?

4. Start to self-inquire, ask yourself why you allow these behaviors, and how you want them to look.

5. Start to set boundaries and create safety within you. A simple mantra “I am calm, I am safe” when you notice you feel anxious is a great place to start.

6. Implement the changes needed, releasing anybody in your life that isn’t serving you.

Join Our Inner Child Healing Retreat

Are you on a healing journey? Join us on our next Inner Child Healing Retreat in Wales, where we provide a safe container to support you on your healing journey. Through meditation, guided breathwork, and other healing practices, we will help you release the pains of your past and open up to a future filled with love, balance, and true affection.

By addressing childhood trauma and distinguishing between attention and affection, you can break free from toxic patterns and cultivate healthy, fulfilling relationships. Start your healing journey today and discover the power within you to transform your life.

If you have missed Wales check out our upcoming Retreats here

Much love <3

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