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I spent my WHOLE life feeling Fat

It doesn't have to be this way

I have such clear memories of being very young and feeling fat. I never felt enough. I always felt ugly, frumpy, and unseen. Can you relate?

At age 8, I moved again for the 3rd time. I always remember this phase of my life; I put on a lot of weight.

Up until 2022, I believed that the reason I put on that weight and then continued to be in that cycle of feeling fat was because of a specific reason.

The Reason: When I lived on one side of my hometown, the school I went to offered a lot of sports. I used to swim, run, dance, and do all the other fun things you would do at school. I have such clear memories of there not being many sports at the new school I had moved to. So there was a dramatic change in how much movement I was doing.

Now, on reflection, looking back, the physical reality of that was TRUE, so I wasn’t wrong. However, what I was wrong about was this wasn’t actually the reason.

From age 8, I stacked on a lot of weight. I remember my Mum used to diet too. I was a slim child up to that age, and when I look back at pictures of my Mum before, she was also slim.

So what happened?

I remember walking around Boots with my Mum on the search for Slim Fast shakes. I recall her doing the Atkins diet and Weight Watchers as I was growing up. None of them really seemed to work, and if they did, it was only for a short period of time.

Growing up with seeing this, I also adopted the belief that this was ok and was the ONLY thing that would help me lose weight. So from a young age, I adopted the cycling behavior of what I had witnessed with my Mum.

Diet after diet, excessive exercise regimes, constantly yo-yoing, shakes, counting calories, you name it, I have done so many of them in some way or form.

I am 37 now. I got out of this system when I was 35.

That is me from an age of 8 feeling fat, and being in that until I was 35. 28 years of my life I haven’t felt enough. I have felt fat, unsuccessful; as every diet was a failure, so therefore, I was a failure.

These dieting systems were not only ruining my body, they were causing a HUGE psychological effect on my mental health.

I was so deep into this world that I actually became a Personal Trainer, built my own studio in my Garden, and was helping Women learn how to lift weights, manage their ‘diets’, and shouting at them to exercise harder.

‘I was a good Personal Trainer’ compared to a lot of others, but even on reflection, I see how unhealthy it all was. This is also the thing, so many PT’s take that career path because they have an unhealthy obsession, have achieved ‘so-called results’ for themselves, and then take on that role. Just like I did.

What a mess……

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